My broken halo
by damn unique
Summary: It's said that there are seven deadly sins, which, when committed, created the threat of eternal damnation.You are my sin and I don't care if I'll burn in hell. ShizNat Finally updated and now a TwoShot
1. My broken Halo

"_**Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden, but it is forbidden because it is hurtful."**_

**A/U:** Oh my god! I can't believe it. I wrote a fanfic and it's in english. I now updated my profile here. If you wish to know who is the crazy shiznat fangirl then you're welcome to have a look. I really don't know if this is crap since english is just my second language. But I thought I want to give it try. So here it is.

**Beta: Ivy Rose Thorn  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mai HiME... man that really hurts**

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**Sins and Virtues**

**_My broken halo_**

It's said that there are seven deadly sins, which, when committed, destroyed the life of grace, and created the threat of eternal damnation unless either absolved through the sacrament of confession, or otherwise forgiven through perfect contrition. But I will never regret my feelings for you. Not even if my soul is damned to burn in hell for eternity.

And here I declare myself guilty for the sin of Envy because I always catch myself being jealous on everybody who's near you. I cannot stop myself from trying to be the center of attention because I want you to look at me, to notice a tiny bit of my presence beside you. Almost everybody admires me for a thing called perfection, which is not there and never will be. But you never saw me that way, yet you not even noticed me. You're in your own little dream world. You prefer to be alone and everybody leaves you this way because your cold shell protects you so perfectly. I envy you for having the chance to be alone whenever you want, for not faking your smiles to please everybody around you, for just being yourself. I never had the chance to be honest with somebody. They always just saw what they wanted to see, a responsible girl with a perfect smile on her lips.

Every time you talk to somebody I find myself glaring at them. I want to be the one talking to you. I want to look into your sparkling eyes. I really want to see my reflection in those beautiful eyes. Therefore, I declare myself guilty for the sin of Pride because I try to be someone special to you.

I pretend to be different, but I'm just one of your fan girls. Sometimes I even believe myself that I am someone special, so you will maybe look at me, until reality strikes me back to my fake life. I don't dare to speak to you. My pride tells me that I cannot bear your denial. I see no way to get over it. I just walk past to you looking so self-confident and you are annoyed by my arrogance. But I'm trembling, inside I'm trembling… I try to control myself, try not to touch you, not to hold you, not to even notice you and the pride keeps up my perfect masquerade. Though when I'm alone I feel how badly I want all of this. So I declare myself guilty for the sin of Lust.

Feeling, touching, holding... Our loving gazes met, you lean in for a tender kiss; your sweet lips feel so soft. I'm touching your pale skin, running my fingers through your silky dark hair; a little moan escapes your throat. Your hand feverishly strokes along my rib cage. Your touches make me forget everything and let me feel true happiness. Always falling asleep in each other's arms. Always waking up alone, 'cause these are only dreams. Only in my dreams these things are able to happen. There's no way that someone like you want to be with me in that way, maybe not even in a normal, friendly way. And I can understand that. I really can. It's not right for a girl to have such feelings towards some other girl they say and they may be right but I can't help it. It's just the way I feel about you and I can't get enough of you, even if I don't have anything of you. I just can't get enough. Hence, I declare myself guilty for the sin of Gluttony.

More and more of you is crawling deeper into my skin, reaching my heart, which pumps you into every last cell of my body. I'm already filled up with these feelings for you. Tell me, why can't I stop having such thoughts? Why can't I look away from you? I try to picture every image of you in my head for the hope of another fulfilling dream. Just to be with you there is enough for me; that's what I pretend. Now I can't fight the urge to hope for those dreams to come true. I want more when I already have you somewhat close but yet so far away. I should be happy to see you every day but I just keep on wanting more. Sometimes I really scare myself when I catch myself by the thoughts of possessing you. Here I have to declare myself guilty for sin of Greed.

The wish to be with you every second of our lives is consuming me now and then. I can feel it grows stronger day by day and I wonder how long I will be able to endure it, even to suppress it. I think I can't hold myself back forever; in fact I'm tired of being this way. I don't feel like moving on. It could be so easy if I would just live on and forget about you. Though I know this is impossible. But living like this is ridiculous as well. That is called the sin of Sloth and here I declare myself guilty for it.

Sometimes I wish I were dead, no feelings – no problems but then also no sparkling eyes, no beautiful smile of you. So I think I have to move on to get a chance to talk to you maybe someday; to overcome the fear and pride. Therefore, I will keep on walking, even if it's slow walking, it will be walking. I will hold my head up against the tiring pain of loneliness. I will try to stand straight and not to rest on my way to your heart. May the way not be there now I will try to build it up for me, maybe someday I could say I built it up for you too; for us. It could be so easy if I would just bring myself to talk to you. Such a simple thing like talking but it's different if it's you. Everything is different if it includes you. It makes me furious and I so hate myself for being this way. Wrath is the sin I declare myself guilty for.

Sometimes I want to destroy every beautiful detail of this unfair world but I don't want to destroy you; to hurt you in any way. I want rather protect you from anything bad. Just thinking about something happening to you, let my mind go blank. But for protecting you, I should be somehow near you. Then why do I make everything so damn complicated? Why I don't say a random thing to you or ask you a simple question, because it would be nothing special, so it wouldn't fit you. I want it to be something special if you by any chance will finally notice me. I always told myself that infinity is neither achievable nor existent. That it's a myth that we use to believe in for our own salvation. But somehow I know that my love for you is everlasting. I already lost my mind and heart to you, so what else is there to lose if I don't care about pride anymore. If you will not speak to me and even if you'll hate me, I will try. Deep in my heart I always have because all I see is you. If you will build up walls I will break them, if you'll freeze your heart I will melt the ice and if you refuse my feelings I will accept it. I will be whatever you want me to be. Be it friend or lover as long as I could just be something special to you. But for that I have to try even if it breaks me. And so one day I tried.

"You shouldn't do that."

There is no way back now. I already spoke the words to your back and now you turn to face me with a surprised look. So I somehow continued.

"Beautiful flowers are to be loved since it's doing its best to bloom during its short life, ne?"

That was the first time you were looking at me and I will never forget your beautiful emerald eyes. How could I? You gave me the chance to look in those eyes many more times now and I cherish every moment with you. It is not much but some things need time to grow and I will wait for you.

Maybe I'm not worth this because I'm too sinful to be near you but I can't help the wish to be with you. So I can just hope that you'll never see the insecure girl under the broken halo and that it will never break free.

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**A/U:** So that's it. Here is your proof that readers (especially those ones who speak english just as their second language) should remain as readers and writers (and there are many good ones out there greetz kara-san and jaded088 and many more )) should remain as writers.  
So now I can die happy because I wrote finally something about my addiction. I'm impressed that this story has actually over 1400 words because I don't think that I know more than 10 words in english. (note from brain: this sentence included more than ten words) Ok, come on shut up where have you been when I wrote this story. I'll get you back for this runs away to catch her brain

Reviews are always welcome since it's my first story please be kind... or be rude I don't care, just review. Thanks to my beta Ivy Rose Thorn.


	2. Fixing the Halo

**A/N:** Okay, I wanted to do this like forever. And I have to say it feels like it took me forever. Let's see it has been almost four years but I finally did the sequel to my first and most beloved fanfiction My broken Halo. I felt the need to make this a Two-Shot. So this is the offical sequel to Shizuru's broken Halo. This is Natsuki's thoughts on the Seven Deadly Sins.

**Beta: Ivy Rose Thorn**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Mai HiME. Maybe one day.**

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_**Sins and Virtues II  
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_**Fixing the Halo**_

Have you forgotten about the sunsets?

About the sound of birds?

About the color of the sky?

Have you?

Have you lost sight of the flowers and the beauty?

Of what's truly important in this dull world?

Have you?

You say you're the one to blame. I say it is my fault. I should have noticed sooner. You told me about the sins. Told me that you're guilty of them, apologized so many times and I… I heard what you said and I was hurt… hurt and selfish. I was shocked that after knowing so much about me, you would be the one to shatter my trust. Finally, I came to know that I wasn't listening with my heart. I didn't see you; the real you. In fact, I didn't see anything but me and my revenge. People died because I was foolish. I was the one who destroyed the best in you when you were the one who brought out the best in me. Your kindness and dignity, I've taken it all. Now, everything's so clear. Now, I know it all. But 'now', is too late. The damage is already done. Your halo is broken. You can't do it on your own anymore and neither can I. This time it's my turn to confess.

It seems that, for everything in the world, there is a counterpart; a better half, an anti-mass. Where there is Good there is also Evil. Order ascends from Chaos and sunshine eventually leads to rain. Nothing is in fact all by itself. Nobody has to be alone. And despite I wanted that so badly, I couldn't evade your presence.

There may be Deadly Sins but there are also Virtues and although I don't believe in any of that, I would like to try my luck on it. So, let me count it down for you. Let me erase your wrongs so that none of it will remain. Let me fix your broken halo.

You declare yourself guilty for the sin of Envy but how can that be when everyone I ever cared about outside of my mother was you? Takeda was stalking me for so long and everybody knew that he had a crush on me but you never did anything to interrupt or mingle with my life. You just stood by my side as my best friend and I know that even if I had chosen him, you would still have been happy for me and smiled. And even if it didn't seem like it, my gaze was always upon you. I wanted to keep you safe. That's why I kept my distance. I was looking through your masquerade now and then but I was afraid to ask; afraid to get too close to you, to get you into danger. You might be guilty of Envy but your Kindness rules over this sin. I'll count it down to six for assuring you that there is nobody as loyal and passionate as you. You came to me when everyone walked away. Without prejudice and resentment, you took me for who I was. You inspired me with your cheerful demeanor and encouraged me to let people into my life and have positive outlooks.

You are wrong to think less of yourself because the truth is you are rather thinking of yourself less. Despite everything you had to handle as student-council president and daughter of a prestigious family, you still found the time to be there every time I needed you. You were an idol to these silly little girls that surrounded you like flies and you stepped in when it was most needed. You're simply selfless. You saved me during the fight between Mikoto and Mai and dried my tears when I could do nothing but cry. Pride is said to be the worst sin of all; the excessive love of self. Excessive love indeed… but not for yourself. And although I am still scared of it, I shall not deny it for you have shown me this love more than once. Even if you would be guilty of Pride, you are far guiltier of Humility. So we can break this down to five.

Wanting more and more and not being able to stop? That's a sin you feel guilty of? Then I am guilty as well. Fighting desperately to avoid feelings, I was able to pretend that I am nothing more than a loner. But your presence was addictive. Your smile, your eyes, your voice… they made me forget my sorrow ever so often. They distracted me from my cold behavior and let the warmth grow deep inside of me and even to my cheeks… You were like a drug that made me high whenever I was about to drown. You were there and melted the ice away. I always told myself to stay away and to avoid you as best as I could but as much as I wanted to I couldn't trick my heart. It's so deceiving towards my head. You already got it hooked on your rare, true smiles. It couldn't get enough of you… I couldn't get enough of you. That's why I kept up with your teasing. That's why I kept up with having people talk about us from time to time, because I also couldn't stay away. Keeping distance is one thing but to abandon you completely is another and even after everything that happened I cannot let go off you for good. If this is what you consider as gluttony then I am just as guilty as you are. But it's not lost yet. I know that you know better. This sin will never be a match for your self-control. I've never met someone more restrained and mindful than you. After slowly discovering the power of feelings and emotions, I am amazed how you could act so calm and peacefully around me when your heart must have wrenched under my coldness. You must have felt just as lonely as I and yet you still smiled and were the best friend I can imagine. The sin of gluttony is easily erased for the virtue of Temperance within your heart is so much stronger.

The weight has almost shifted. You can stop trembling now. Everything will be fine. I promise you, this time I will make it right. It might still hurt a bit but soon it'll all be gone. The greed in you shall be soon appeased for I remind you of your generosity. To be your dearest one is probably the biggest compliment I ever got. I never did anything for you and still you kept worshipping every moment with me. I lived thinking to be the best example of self-sacrifice. Always fighting to avenge my dead mother, always struggling to bring down the bastards of the First District, I was too absorbed in my own tragedy to notice yours. You gave yourself away for me. Your pride, your sanity, your heart. You lay it down like a flower bed in front of my feet and I was blind enough to trample on it. I don't even need to apologize for I know your virtue of mercy counters the greed as much as I will counter the darkness in your eyes; to tilt the balance, to tear you out of this nightmare. The love for others is said to bring salvation and so shall it be. If that's what love is about then I beg you don't stop. Keep loving me all the more and it will save us both.

Wrath brought you here and wrath will consume your mind if you don't remember that the virtue of Patience is the true origin of your spirit. I know you've killed. I know you've hated, but I know you did it all for me. Your hands might be stained in blood but they still feel just as soft to me. Your gentleness can never be destroyed by this insane world. How am I supposed to hate the hands that kept me warm when I was about to freeze under the pressure of my own heart? How to avoid the touches that sent shivers down my spine although I would have never admitted that? How to deny these hands that drew invisible wings? Small wings… but still wings that made me fly and overcome my pride. Your patience turned me into the person I am now. The virtue Patience turns away the wrath. So, don't you worry anymore.

Please hang on. We're almost there. We've come so far. I am not ready to give up now. Neither are you. I am sure of it. The sin of sloth can't stand against your persistence. And if you're tired of the pain then let me breathe for you. Let me be the voice that tells you to hold on. The virtue of Diligence that harbors in your heart will lead towards the end.

As far as I can remember you are guilty of the sin of lust… It's not something that can be undone. Purity is what should eradicate this fault. But I won't lie to you and tell you that everything's alright when it is not. After all, you can't throw the rain back into the sky. But there's always hope. And if you don't believe me, I'll be there to believe for both of us. Although, I don't consider myself to be worthy of a virtue I think if anything I would host it would be the one called Chastity. After all, it is said to be a knightly virtue and this is what you've told me so many times; that I am acting like a knight in shining armor. So for this one time, let me be your shield and sword. Let me fight down this deadly sin for you. Let me free you of this last reminder. I am willing to give this virtue away and to acknowledge all your actions. For what you did without my consent, I cannot forget but I will forgive you to eliminate this last remaining stain.

Seven Virtues to counter Seven Sins. And that is all. I shall release you.

The sum of a positive and a negative is their difference. But if their absolute values are equal they eliminate each other to zero. Nothing remains, right? But Zero isn't nothing, is it? It's neither positive nor negative; a neutral element. Zero is where everything starts and zero is where it all ends…

One day at the cliffs I mumbled that I sometimes think I might have better died along with my mother. I felt lonely and desperate and asked you 'If I were to jump off that cliff, would jump with me?' You just stood there, saying nothing for what seemed like an eternity. The words, that left your mouth eventually were swallowed by the wind and I was glad to able to be pretend, that I didn't hear them when, in fact, I did. But I was too proud to admit that they had hurt me. They hurt me because I didn't understand them by then. Now, I finally know why you said you wouldn't jump with me. I know it because I feel it too. I wouldn't jump with you because I'd also be at the bottom to catch you, too. So let me save us both.

This is me saying thank you, Shizuru… "Duran! Load Silver Cartridge! One more breath and I am yours…

"Fire!"

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**A/N:** And this is it...Tell me how you feel about the sequel of this one-shot. Leave a review be it good or bad. Praise and criticism is alwas welcome.


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